Good early morning, Blogger! I am sitting in a computer chair, eating beef jerkey and drinking Yoohoo. I find this combination to be disgusting, yet satisfying. Chocolate milk(ish) drink, and dehydrated meats do not exactly make for a perfect coupling, but I am willing to look past that for the time being. I really ought to be brushing my teeth, putting on some PJ's and getting into bed. Actually, I will be getting "into" the couch, my bed for the time being. I like it there, Freddie and Penny repell off my butt in order to get onto the uppermost part of the couch. There's nothing like a butt-pounce at 3:30 in the morning.
Tonight I discovered two things. One of those things being that there is such a thing as too much cheese, and the other being that I have come into the realization that I am an extraordinary bowler. Okay, so by "extraordinary" I mean extraordinarily bad. It's definitely not my fault though, I think I am going to blame the superfluous amount of gutter-balls on having to bowl right after Dr. Chris. That's a tough act to follow, man! Do you practice on your technique during office hours? I personally like my way of bowling, so whenever I knock over a pin, the victory is extra sweet because it is a seldom occurrence that any pin falls. Had we been playing soccer, or possibly even dancing to Zydeco, I can guarantee that I would have come at everyone with a flaming vengeance.
Also, it does not help to move your body in the general direction you want your ball to go. I discovered this as well.
I think I regard myself as a boring person outside of my writing. A random thought. Psychologically speaking I think I am so use to writing out everything to get it into order, that I fear not being verbally articulate enough. Either way, I like being personal with people, but of course most people want that type of intimacy. I guess that's why I have gotten so picky with relationships? Being comfortable with someone, and to still have a mutual appreciation for each other is difficult. Or maybe it isn't and I have just been around examples in which comfort turns into not having to try. ..Maybe that's what is referred to as a "rut"?
I'm not so sure what I am rambling about now, honestly. I think because I recognize a habit within myself to condemn myself and my expectations into sorts of desparity. Being human, so many people do this because it's easier. It's easy to live up to the mediocroty of your own expectations; it doesn't get you hurt. Of course you won't be loved either, technically speaking. Happiness can not always be inate, sometimes we must be pro-active I suppose.
I am still rambling, hm. It's late and I think my thought processes are becoming a bit disjointed, unfortunately for this blog I also get very chatty at night. The abstract quality of my thoughts, and said chattiness mix together about as well as Yoohoo and beef jerkey.
1 comment:
Dina,
You should not be so hard on yourself. I too suffer from a low sense of self esteem and feel like I am boring. I really don't talk well and feel much more comfortable writing. These are the reasons why I rarely call people to hang out or just talk. I always feel people have cooler things to do than hang out or talk to me. And I never feel like I have anything worth listening to or opinions that matter.
The beautiful thing about the world is that there are people out there that can see your true self no matter what your self-image is. For me, I am blessed to have many of these people in my life that love me for me. One obvious example is Robby and Kayleigh, and I should thank God for them everyday.
I know you too have people like this in your life. You should know that you are wonderful, though I feel like I barely know you. You have been through more than most people your age, and you are still strong and somewhat normal. But who wants to be normal, right? Hang in there and embrace the fact that you are a daughter of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. And God is not the only one who knows how incredible you are and the potential you possess.
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