A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home

I swear to God I just saw Steven Spielberg in a beat up Chevy truck. He stopped right next to me at an intersection on University. It was Stephen, I could tell by the facial hair growth.

'Someone call 9-1-1, this man is unconcious!"

Needless to say, I have been busy with school, etc. and have not been able to write in here very much. An excess of interesting and humorous events have not occurred, so I do not even have all to much to write about. However, I will find something to talk about, as usual..

In regards to The Juggernaut, lately it has been making this "Squeeee!" noise. This noise is not simply restricted to acceleration, or braking; it is a constant,"SQUUEE!!!" and frankly, I would find it mildly embarrassing if I cared anything for this particular automotive. Speaking of all things vehicular, eventually I am going to attempt to learn how to drive a standard so that I may rapidly destroy the transmission of another car. (Actually, I have no idea if shifting and transmissions have a direct correlation. Oh well.)

For the past two weeks I have been battling some sort of disease, I don't know which one. Last week during (geez, these are great shrimp I am eating.. just had to interject that)our mardi gras break I decided to come up with a 101 temperature, and a sore throat. Of course I put off going to the doctor.. um, because I do that. After three days the temperature and the worst part of the sore throat was gone, I thought I has just cheated strep.. or something. More currently, yesterday I woke up with a swollen throat and a high fever. Here I come, shot of penicillin on my right butt-cheek.. Fantastic. What is better about this whole situation, I passed this to my mother, so now I am not alone in my throat-misery. She may now writhe in agony as we both try and swallow macaroni-n-cheese.

Lastly, I am officially Adult/Child/Infant CPR, and first aid certified! Slantz and I woke up at the proverbial "buttcrack" of dawn and drove to the Red Cross center. May I just say that we has one of the best classmated EVER. For the story's sake, I am naming her Latressa. Yes, of course I am being facetious. Latressa was ridiculous. First of all, her hair was reminiscent of a porcupine with gold highlights; these highlights matched her "Ali Babba" type footwear, and very "attractive" gold tooth. She came in late, and then our teacher was talking about the importance of CPR etc. and our classmate's phone rings. Not only does she ignore it for the first few rings, she actually ANSWERS it in the middle of a lecture!
..What?! She does this twice, throughout adult CPR.
Then after this, Slantz and I are sitting at our table watching the CPR video (or something), and I hear something that sounds like a freight train, right next to me. I look over in the direction of the noise, low and behold Latressa has rested her head on her own bosom, and is snoring. Upon performing CPR on her dummy, she falls on top of it.
I love these sort of individuals, they make me realize that I am not always as unintelligent as I may occasionally feel. At least I do not trip, while stationary on my knees delivering CPR to a dying mannequin.

Embrace the truck that you are.

Last week, in my AP I, class... the creepy know it all guy, struck again. I think by just hearing this conversation, my IQ dropped a few points. This is the conversation, and yes, again, in screenwriting style.

CKIAG
Don't humans breathe in carbon
dioxide, and breathe out carbon monxide?

Teacher
..No. Not at all. We breathe in
oxygen and our bodies expel carbon dioxide.

(beat)

In fact, our bodies completely
reject both of these gases..

CKIAG
(haughtily)
Well, I heard some chemical reaction
can take place in the body that
allows for us to do this.

Teacher
(disbelievingly)
No.. this can not biologically occur.

CKIAG
(now angry)
Yes it can!

Teacher
(even more so disbelivingly)
No..

(beat)

No, it can't.

It went on like this for, no joke, about two whole minutes. And yes, for some reason I can not get out of italics.
I do not claim to be any sort of expert on biology, or anatomy, nor physiology.. But honestly, if we happened to respire carbon monoxide, global warming would come as no surprise and every human being on earth should possibly plunge their bodies off a tall building/mountain/bridge. I do no know any case where carbon monoxide did the human body much good.

Of course I am no narcissistic radiologist major, so I could be wrong.

Valentine's Day is coming up. I plan on engorging myself on my mother's candy that she receives from her students, as any self-respecting teachers daughter would do. I am proud to do my part for commercialism.

New on screenwriting:

Last Wednesday we had to deliver our movie pitch to the class. Again my suspicions that only crazed sci-fi freaks, and crazies in general, were reaffirmed as the other nine of my classmates pitched their story.

These are what SENIORS, and GRADUATE STUDENTS came up with.

1) A scientist is on a ski-trip with his brother, and his brother is accidentally killed in the process (I suppose by flying headfirst into a duck.. or mountain goat... depends on what kind of skiing we are doing). A few years later, scientists finds out how to harness the power of a solar flare to go back in time to save his brother, where he finds out his brother was being used a pawn in a terrorist plot.

Wow, solar flares!

2) **this one is animated.. more specifically it is ANIME!** Moses the cat-detective must fight to unite the dog and cat world before the sewer rats come out from the depths to take over! (Comes complete with a sexy lady-cat, who poses a possible romantic relationship)

3) A man is a vigilante pedophile killer, who brutalizes the pedophiles and broadcasts the torture over the internet as a warning to the other pedophiles. This business is going great, until the biggest-baddest-pedophile kidnaps about 5 kids, and is taunting the pedophile killer with this, with similar pirated-internet broadcasts.

..What?

4) A girl must choose between love and money, when her family's flooring business goes under. She may either pick the love of her life, or the guy that can save her family business.

Not only is this unoriginal... it's flooring.

5) A good girl, has had bad luck all of her life. She is currently working at a world commerce bank and just happens to be sitting next to Moira; aka the mother of the three fates. (mmhmm.) Moira fills out a report of this bad luck for the girl, to Karma (yes, karma has been personified). Karma has misfiled something, and now this good girl has been stuck with someone elses bad karma.

Cheesy! But at least no solar flares.

6) The world is a wasteland, and a pregnant woman is captured by a group of rebels, then sold into slavery.. but not before she births a boy. Boy is raised as a rebel in this group, then finds out about his mother. He is now on a quest for revenge, and to save his long lost mother.

One question.. is Kevin Costner or Mel Gibson in this movie?

8) An agoraphobic murder-mystery novelist is forced to go out and solve one of her own mysteries, when a murder seems to be manifested from her very own pages. Really, it is her other twin brothers (they were triplets, her mother liked her the best.. so she gave the last two triplets to some aunt.. ?? wait.. what?) who are enraged with her success and now must kill.

okay. Hey, what happened to the italics?

9) A hitchhiker that kills the people that pick him up, is picked up by a man who kills the hitchikers he picks up. Now they join forces and go on a killing spree.

It had some comic potential until they go on a killing spree, instead of going around trying to kill each other.. ..very King Kong vs. Godzilla, Freddy vs. Jason.. Rosie vs. Trump?

I do not claim to be a great screenwriter of any sort, my pitch was somewhat Royal Tennenbaum'esque'... But I did expect a little more from graduate students.

And after we pitched our stories, we were individually asked to talk about someone else's movie that interested us the most, no one picked mine. I do not take this personally, since I am the "outsider" of the class, seeing as how I came in on the second part of this course, and Lakeman talks to me the most.

The only feedback i received from my classmates was:

*stare*

"That's complex."

Thanks guys.

And above you will see weave we found in a gas station parking lot.